HUSBAND WANTED

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newcastle
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HUSBAND WANTED

Post by newcastle » Mon Sep 26, 2016 8:52 pm

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said :
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"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"



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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by Dusak » Tue Sep 27, 2016 12:15 pm

So, he used his nose then? :D
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by BENNU » Tue Sep 27, 2016 2:41 pm

Dusak wrote:So, he used his nose then? :D
:a30: Oh, now I get it, thank you!

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by Dusak » Tue Sep 27, 2016 6:57 pm

Dear Mr Newcastle,

As a once up standing member of this forum, but now sadly a quadriplegic I must protest at the above joke. And it could be suggested that I'm out on a limb with this reply and could be putting my foot in it, but I do not believe in arsing about when something aggravates me. As the saying goes, offer a person an inch and they take a foot so I'm asking you to toe the line and give such poor taste jokes the elbow. But, having said this, I have to hand it to you as you seem to be a person similar to myself, one to take the only option available, shoulder the blame when the finger is pointed. I hasten to add that this is not a knee jerk reaction on my part concerning something that others may consider to be a bit of 'armless fun, but a raising of the middle finger to nail it on the head before it runs out of control.

Yours,
Mr. I. M. A. Torso.

Sent from my Samsung via tap-talk with a drinking straw super glued in my left nostril.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by newcastle » Tue Sep 27, 2016 7:15 pm

Dear Mr Dusak

I'm sorry to learn of your difficulties but, if your member is still standing, that's all that matters really.

Have you considered partaking in the Paralympics.....as a pole vaulter?

Best regards

N.

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by Dusak » Wed Sep 28, 2016 10:45 am

Ok, to show that there are no hard feelings, what do you call a man in the swimming pool that has no arms or legs? Bob.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by carrie » Wed Sep 28, 2016 12:22 pm

Read that then burst out laughing all the time thinking.... that is sick. :lol:

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by newcastle » Wed Sep 28, 2016 1:11 pm

carrie wrote:Read that then burst out laughing all the time thinking.... that is sick. :lol:
Then you'll appreciate this one.

What do you call a child with no legs?
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Carrie
:ks

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by Dusak » Thu Sep 29, 2016 9:43 am

newcastle wrote:
carrie wrote:Read that then burst out laughing all the time thinking.... that is sick. :lol:
Then you'll appreciate this one.

What do you call a child with no legs?
Spoiler
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Carrie
:ks
:a8:

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by Horus » Thu Sep 29, 2016 12:19 pm

He was born without any arms legs or torso, so he was given the name of Eddy.
He was very much loved and his parents doted on him always making sure he had lots of presents on his birthday or at Christmas.
Today was Eddy's 16th birthday and they crowded around his little pillow and sang "happy birthday to you" and watched with delight as little Eddy's eyes lit up with delight as they opened the large box tied up in big blue ribbons, as they tilted the box for him to see inside Eddy exclaimed!
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Oh no! not another f**cking hat!
Image

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Re: HUSBAND WANTED

Post by Dusak » Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:20 pm

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pot?
Stu.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Rustle.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs no head and no torso?
D**k.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pothole?
Phil.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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