Luxor4u

Saw my mate Charlie this morning. He's only got one arm, bless him.
I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."

Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said, "That's gonna be a bit awkward isn't it?"

"Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive b***ard.''
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Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation? "No, just here for a few days."
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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's
funeral, a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,
"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."
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I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
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After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.
Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.
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I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!

I panicked. I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered that the local cafe serves breakfast until 11.30.
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"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.
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Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

Very Good MT

Sometimes it's hard to find things that make you laugh, these were sent to me from Holland.

I laugh every time I read your posts. [sorry, couldn't resist]

Major Thom wrote:Sometimes it's hard to find things that make you laugh, these were sent to me from Holland.

Now you've gone and spoiled it

I thought you'd suddenly developed a sense of humor.

But, is it more comforting to be sent a joke from Holland, than to be considered a joke in Holland? I think that this could open the flood gates to a lively debate against just sticking your finger in the dykes hole and hoping that nothing more leaks out.