Walking Home

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BENNU
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Walking Home

Post by BENNU » Tue Apr 28, 2015 10:26 pm


I am not comparing Luxor to other places, I just need to get it off my chest, because that is exactly where it hurts this moment. I experience no more hassle in Egypt than I can easily handle, I am usually left alone.

Here in the city where I grew up, I can hardly walk home at night from the nearest busstop without being harassed, intimidated or complimented by strangers. I can't take it any longer. Nothing happened because I can look after myself and I refuse to be controlled by fear or shame. I am not afraid and I have the right to walk home at night. I have fought for that right, now I need a break.

I made him run away and he disappeared quickly into the darkness, I am home – not relieved, not shocked, but feeling so bad.

:cc

That's all.

Thank you for listening.



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Re: Walking Home

Post by HEPZIBAH » Tue Apr 28, 2015 10:49 pm

Thinking of you and hope you find some inner piece.
Image Experience is not what happens to you;
it is what you do with what happens to you.
-Aldous Huxley

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Re: Walking Home

Post by HEPZIBAH » Tue Apr 28, 2015 10:54 pm

Thinking of you and hope you find some inner piece.
Image Experience is not what happens to you;
it is what you do with what happens to you.
-Aldous Huxley

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Re: Walking Home

Post by carrie » Tue Apr 28, 2015 11:04 pm

Oh Bennu, I feel for you I really do. I know you to be a strong independant woman, keep your chin up, don't let the b......s grind you down. Your too good for that.

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Re: Walking Home

Post by Yildez » Wed Apr 29, 2015 8:03 am

Thinking of you Bennu, and sending you some positive thoughts. It's happened to me too, and like you I always confront the man and tell him a few home truths. :xx

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Re: Walking Home

Post by Bullet Magnet » Wed Apr 29, 2015 9:25 am

I will be honest, I can not tolerate large crowds of people, ( unless they are singing and dancing ) I do not particularly like visiting towns and shopping centre's as a result, so you are not on your own in that respect...

So, how about making the first move Bennu, rather than waiting for the hassle to come to you..

here's the plan.. :cool:

You get off the bus, what you do is extrude confidence by keeping your head up and smiling, greet random people as you move along confidently and purposefully.

This course of action will give YOU the upper hand, throw any would be hassler's, because they will think you know these people you are randomly greeting ( and so have support ), and also hassler's tend not to go for people who appear to be confident, it sort of puts them in their place, without any confrontation..

try it, you never know..

Hope that helps.. :up
There's a time for everyone, if they only learn
That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn.

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BENNU
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Re: Walking Home

Post by BENNU » Wed Apr 29, 2015 11:20 am

Bullet Magnet wrote:
You get off the bus, what you do is extrude confidence by keeping your head up and smiling, greet random people as you move along confidently and purposefully.

This course of action will give YOU the upper hand, throw any would be hassler's, because they will think you know these people you are randomly greeting ( and so have support ), and also hassler's tend not to go for people who appear to be confident, it sort of puts them in their place, without any confrontation..
There was noone in this dark street but myself and this man who followed me and went back when I confidently stopped him from whatever he planned to do. Like I say, I can take care of myself, I have done that since I was a child, and I am fed up, so shared it here. I chose to confront him when he got very aggressive over being ignored, I have learnt it the hard way.
Bullet Magnet wrote: try it, you never know..

Hope that helps.. :up
You never know - I do.

I have plane to catch.

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Re: Walking Home

Post by FABlux » Wed Apr 29, 2015 11:24 am

So sorry for you, have a safe flight

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Re: Walking Home

Post by HEPZIBAH » Wed Apr 29, 2015 11:37 am

Have to say - I liked Bullet Magnet's post because, although I was reasonably confident that the suggestions he was making would already have been part of Bennu's life skills ammunition, he was a man who had shown some understanding and was willing to offer some form of survival technique. :up
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Re: Walking Home

Post by Dusak » Wed Apr 29, 2015 12:52 pm

But on the other hand its OK giving the impression that you are in control of any given situation, but in this day and age of aggressive chancers, especially towards women, its far better in the evening hours to travel more populated routs, or use public transport or a taxi. You can never know what the man that is walking in the shadows intends to attempt. Maybe nothing, but perhaps something. Long gone are the times that you could literally walk anywhere you wanted without fear of being attacked.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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Re: Walking Home

Post by BENNU » Wed Apr 29, 2015 2:18 pm

Dusak wrote:its far better in the evening hours to travel more populated routs, or use public transport .
- better than walking HOME from the bus?

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Re: Walking Home

Post by Bullet Magnet » Wed Apr 29, 2015 3:24 pm

Out of curiosity Bennu, how do you feel about living in Denmark these day's ?
is it necessary that you still live there ?

After all, nothing stays the same, and historic sentimentality may just not be enough to keep you there anymore..


A long time ago, I had a pretty spectacular car crash, and there was no reason for this crash to occur, other than it felt to me like an invisible hand had hit my car off the road.
Not only that, but the car crash left my car pointing in the opposite direction to that where I had been travelling...

It only occured to me some time after that had happened, that I had been prevented going somewhere, and as such, had I have acted upon that warning I would never have got myself into a huge mess a few months after that crash. I had also been having doubts about working in that place where I was working at the time.

This may or may not be relevant to you, but I thought I would mention it...

All things happen for a reason..

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That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn.

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Re: Walking Home

Post by FABlux » Wed Apr 29, 2015 6:14 pm

You were lucky to walk away from that one BM. Glad you did though :)

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Re: Walking Home

Post by Dusak » Thu Apr 30, 2015 4:14 am

The thing is with unexpected car crashes, and I had four in the UK but not as bad as yours BM, is that it happens so quickly, you do not know it has happened until the last second because it was unexpected. But in regards to the above post, you have the time to realize that something is or could be about to happen. That is when the apprehension and fear set in and if nothing does happen, the fear of 'what if' runs parallel with feelings of relief. Driving on the roads is far safer than walking beside them, IMO.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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Re: Walking Home

Post by Bullet Magnet » Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:04 am

The car suddenly span around on a mountain road, worse to come was the fall off the mountain ! hence all the damage :cg
In all honesty I was completely relaxed about my impending death, no screams or regrets... :cool:

So not wishing to distract from Bennu's concerns, this story was simply putting something into perspective. they all aint out to get you, but sometimes god does move in mysterious ways, and if I had not gone back to the place I was heading, and seen the sign, then I could have saved myself a lot of grief, but then I did actually learn from all that grief and probably became a better person as a result.. :D

Looking back, and knowing what I know now, I would have taken the warning never gone back there.... :br
There's a time for everyone, if they only learn
That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn.

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Re: Walking Home

Post by Winged Isis » Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:18 am

This is not a criticism of men in general or any in particular. But you can NEVER, NEVER, EVER understand what it is to feel fear just because of your gender. You'll never understand how we constantly assess the area, the mood, the situation when we walk alone with few others around, EVEN IN DAYLIGHT.

This no matter how strong and confidant you feel generally, mentally or physically. And I'm not just meaning fear of physical harm. I'm including unsolicited comments and/or actions. The annoyance of not being able to walk from A to B without some man looking at you with more than a passing glance or smile, but obvious innuendo or verbal comment or criticism etc. It doesn't matter what your age, or appearance. It's simply because you are a woman.

We don't go out fearfully looking for these reactions, but try to go out about our normal business as men are able to do. It doesn't happen every time. But I'll bet nearly all men couldn't remember when, if ever, being treated by a women the same way.

A recent social experiment had a woman walk in a city for a couple of blocks. She had something like 25 !!! incidents involving comments, gestures and other actions.

Short of going out in drag, men will never understand, though many kindly try to. Understand, that is, not go out in drag.

Equally, men will never understand at the end of the day on arriving home, the sheer joy of taking off your bra and flinging it across your bedroom! Or maybe some do! See above comment. :lol:
Carpe diem! :le:

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Re: Walking Home

Post by Dusak » Thu Apr 30, 2015 1:52 pm

Winged Isis wrote:This is not a criticism of men in general or any in particular. But you can NEVER, NEVER, EVER understand what it is to feel fear just because of your gender. You'll never understand how we constantly assess the area, the mood, the situation when we walk alone with few others around, EVEN IN DAYLIGHT.

This no matter how strong and confidant you feel generally, mentally or physically. And I'm not just meaning fear of physical harm. I'm including unsolicited comments and/or actions. The annoyance of not being able to walk from A to B without some man looking at you with more than a passing glance or smile, but obvious innuendo or verbal comment or criticism etc. It doesn't matter what your age, or appearance. It's simply because you are a woman.

We don't go out fearfully looking for these reactions, but try to go out about our normal business as men are able to do. It doesn't happen every time. But I'll bet nearly all men couldn't remember when, if ever, being treated by a women the same way.

A recent social experiment had a woman walk in a city for a couple of blocks. She had something like 25 !!! incidents involving comments, gestures and other actions.

Short of going out in drag, men will never understand, though many kindly try to. Understand, that is, not go out in drag.

Equally, men will never understand at the end of the day on arriving home, the sheer joy of taking off your bra and flinging it across your bedroom! Or maybe some do! See above comment. :lol:
I totally agree with what you say, including the ceremonial casting off of the bra :lol: The vast majority of women must feel this sense of persecution and nuisance behavior from men while just going about their daily business. And I fully understand that it must be a continual life spoiler. Unfortunately it will never get better, probably worse if anything. Today we all need to be more cautious while out and about, the streets are full of opportunists, just waiting to take advantage of us all, but more so with women. I will probably get shot down for this next bit, but a lot of the women and young girls I saw on the streets in the UK were dressed to thrill, so can not be really that surprised when in recite of whistles and more unwanted comments and suggestions made towards them. A woman should have the automatic right to dress as she feels fit, but unfortunately has to accept that running the gauntlet of verbals also comes with this fashion statement, sadly.

As a bloke I have never liked crude gestures or comments towards women, I was, or so I like to think, brought up better than that.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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Re: Walking Home

Post by Winged Isis » Thu Apr 30, 2015 10:15 pm

Okay, I'm going off my own topic to comment on an odd trend I have seen developing on the forum since last year. It's not a go at you, Dusak, or anyone in particular, just a general query.

Why, when replying to the last post in a thread, are people bothering to "quote" them, when you are the next respondent? Quoting is only necessary when the post to which you are replying is earlier than the one above yours. An exception would be to highlight a particular point to which you refer, not meaning the whole post. There are probably others.

If speaking face to face, you wouldn't repeat the others' comment before you reply, would you?!


Thank you. I'll step off my soapbox and have a cuppa. :cuppa: ;)
Carpe diem! :le:

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Re: Walking Home

Post by BENNU » Thu Apr 30, 2015 11:35 pm

The one reason why this happens to me when walking down the streets in the area where I can afford to live part time, is that I am usually the only one walking there.

Noone could have handled this situation better than I and I did have the upper hand, but I was upset and felt my heart pounding long after I came home. You see, when confronted he ran very quickly back in the opposite direction from the one he had agressively followed me for several minutes, which told me that he was up to no good. He did not scare me, only annoy me. During my ten minute walk, there would have been no witnesses to whatever anyone would do. He gave up, so why was I so upset afterwards that I needed to share?

I was the only woman walking home from the bus, but who knows - if I was the last woman that night...

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Re: Walking Home

Post by BENNU » Fri May 01, 2015 12:17 am

Bullet Magnet wrote: I can not tolerate large crowds of people, ( unless they are singing and dancing ) I do not particularly like visiting towns and shopping centre's as a result, so you are not on your own in that respect...
I am a city girl, so you are on your own in that respect though I do not visit shopping centres.
Bullet Magnet wrote:Out of curiosity Bennu, how do you feel about living in Denmark these day's ?
is it necessary that you still live there ?
It is not necessary for me to live in any particular place. I do what I want, live where I want, but I have chosen to keep a base in my home town.

I gave up a posh address to travel more which led to a life here in Egypt and I sometimes have to remind myself of why I downsized and downgraded to a less safe part of Copenhagen.

That is my freedom and I can sell with a nice profit and move to something more appropriate, if only I could leave Upper Egypt, but I love it here - more and more.

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