Babies
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 9:34 pm
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use
>a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
> was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well,
> I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
>
>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
> happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,
> Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
>
>'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've
>been expecting you.'
>
>'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did
>you know babies are my specialty?'
>
>'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
>have a seat !.
>
>After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we
> start?'
>
>'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one
>on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living
> room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
>
>'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
>and me!'
>
>'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But
>if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
>angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
>
>
>'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
>'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love
>to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed
>with that.'
>
>'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
>
>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio
>of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
>
>
>'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
> throat.
>
>'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
>their mother was so difficult to work with.'
>
>'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
>
>'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
>the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep
>to get a good look'
>
>'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with
> amazement.
>
>'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours,
>too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
> concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
> Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
> had to pack it all in.'
>
>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on
>your, uh...equipment?'
>
>'It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my
>tripod and we can get to work right away.'
>
>'Tripod?'
>
>'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
>much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
>Mrs. Smith fainted
>a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
> was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well,
> I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
>
>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
> happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,
> Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
>
>'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've
>been expecting you.'
>
>'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did
>you know babies are my specialty?'
>
>'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
>have a seat !.
>
>After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we
> start?'
>
>'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one
>on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living
> room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
>
>'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
>and me!'
>
>'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But
>if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
>angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
>
>
>'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
>'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love
>to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed
>with that.'
>
>'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
>
>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio
>of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
>
>
>'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
> throat.
>
>'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
>their mother was so difficult to work with.'
>
>'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
>
>'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
>the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep
>to get a good look'
>
>'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with
> amazement.
>
>'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours,
>too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
> concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
> Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
> had to pack it all in.'
>
>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on
>your, uh...equipment?'
>
>'It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my
>tripod and we can get to work right away.'
>
>'Tripod?'
>
>'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
>much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
>Mrs. Smith fainted