Banned from Woolworths

[HEPZIBAH]

I read this elsewhere today and I couldn't help but think it could so easily have been written by one of our members here.

I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM WOOLWORTHS Yesterday I was at my local Woolworths store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Woolworths. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Forward this now, (especially) to all your mature friends...... it will be their laugh for the day.

[Dusak]

So this must be about ten years old then, since Woolies closed for the final time about then.

[Mad Dilys]

The old ones are the best ones!

[HEPZIBAH]

So this must be about ten years old then, since Woolies closed for the final time about then.

I know and it's also done the rounds with other shops being used too. There was a photograph with it showing a 'WOOLWORTHS' store and the signage had the typical style font for Woolworths but it was green. As Woolworths were always blue I'm guessing this must have been one of the new stores that did open in the same name later.

[carrie]

Someone wrote a poem about people growing old disgracefully all I can remember is that she wore purple and walked along with a stick rattling it along everyones railings and annoying all. Does anyone have any idea what poem this is and who wrote it?

[Jayway]

Pam Eyres ?

[Scottishtourist]

Someone wrote a poem about people growing old disgracefully all I can remember is that she wore purple and walked along with a stick rattling it along everyones railings and annoying all. Does anyone have any idea what poem this is and who wrote it?

Hi Carrie.
Poem is called "Warning" and was written by Jenny Joseph.
Too long to type out..but you can "google"it.

Have mentioned before that poetry is something that I enjoy.(GOOD poetry)

That's why certain types of prose written by members just don't "float my boat!"

[carrie]

Oh thanks so much ST just looked at it and that is the right one. Brilliant. Going back now to copy it out into my little book of memories.

[Dusak]

The old ones are the best ones!

Very true, that's why I like myself. [ TONGUE IN CHEEK REMARK FOR THOSE WITH BAD EYESIGHT]