I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family, (old and new), for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde. I'm entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to play on my computer until 4:00 am and sleep until noon? I'll dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s & 60s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over my bulging body and will dive into the waves with gay abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will grow old as I have done.
I know I'm sometimes forgetful, but there again, some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken many times. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joys of imperfection.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no" and mean it. I can say "yes" and mean it. As you get older, it's easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
In answer to your question that's in your mind but not yet on your lips, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I'm not going to live forever, but while I'm still here, I'll not waste time lamenting over what could have been, or worrying about what the future will bring, and I shall eat dessert every single day if I want to.
anon
