Renewing your passport

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newcastle
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Renewing your passport

Post by newcastle » Sat Mar 25, 2017 3:31 pm

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.Do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my pension book.
It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.
It is on my National Health card.
My driving licence.
My car insurance.
On the last eight damn passports I've had.
It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.
All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really p*ssed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullsh*t!
You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!
What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal ars*holes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.Do I look like Bin Laden?
I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for sh*t sakes. I just want to go and park my a*se on some sandy beach somewhere.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?
if I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last f*cking people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another f*cking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.
You'd rather have us running all over the f*ckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some ars*hole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic f*ckin' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally p*ssed off!

Signed
An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?
Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..

WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN!



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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by John Landon » Sat Mar 25, 2017 4:36 pm

That is so damn true. And people say the government are spying on everything we do.. Fools !!!!

I got into trouble once at Manchester airport by a lady for saying that I found it ironic that I get my passport checked in the UK by a Pakistani man in a turban.

Luckily I had our company lawyer with me at the time and he told the feminiazi who was ranting at me and calling me all sorts of names under the Sun,
that sarcasm was not a criminal offence (yet) but defamation of character was.. She shut up pretty quick. 8)

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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by Zooropa » Sat Mar 25, 2017 8:22 pm

These days its not wise to even look like you are irritated with officialdom, especially at Airports/borders.

Its just not worth it.

Smile, jump through their hoops and go and enjoy your trip.

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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by John Landon » Sat Mar 25, 2017 9:19 pm

I am not adverse to walking in the gutter when necessary Z, even if it does mean ingratiating one's self. :ct
However, when I am in the right, I will always stand up for that, and I do know my rights.

A few weeks ago, some sneaky litter patroller's were about doling out fines to people who drop litter, and yes, dropping litter is in my book unacceptable and I do not do it.
These people were hiding their cameras and badges, and as they passed me having a ciggy outside the side door on Pall Mall, they hid in our doorway, so they could fine me as they knew there was no litter bin about for me to put my ciggie in.

As I walked into our doorway, the first guy put on his official face and unzipped his coat to reveal his badge and camera, which he then switched on.
He said I was liable for an 80 pound fine for dropping my ciggie down the side of our building doorway.
I said No, and bent down to talk into his camera with a smile on my face.
"First off, you are only assuming I did that because you could not possibly have seen me committing the alleged offence because you were hiding in my doorway".
"Second, the side of the building where you assumed I dropped my ciggie is infact our own property, and as such outside of your jurisdiction,
and I have been given specific instructions by the building management to put my ciggie there, because we have a cleaner that sweeps them up 4 times a day,
not only that but he also cleans the pavement outside the building".

He said he wanted my name, and I said "Refer to my previous statement, I have committed no offence and I am not giving you my name
and I am not entering into any verbal contracts with you".

At which point I used my swipe card to get into the building, and he then followed me.
I told him he was trespassing now and he had to leave.
He asked for my name again and said that I was now liable for a 1000 pound fine for not giving my name and refusing to co-operate, and he jammed his foot into the lift door.
I told him no matter how much he threatens me with, I am not giving up my name and address to him, and he had to leave the building while he could.

I then left the lift and swiped in to the stairwell and go up the stairs. I said "you now have this one last chance to leave the building", to which he refused,
So I said, "well good luck getting out, this door locks behind me as does the outside door, and you are going to have a long wait to get out of the building without a swipe card".

I then went upstairs and informed building security, who were already laughing, as they had watched it all on camera and heard every world, they said they would let him out later... 8)
No further action was taken, because they knew that they were in the wrong, and I think they were just happy to eventually get out of our small side foyer.

Now, this is a private company named Kingdom, and they have been employed by the council to patrol the streets and raise money out of litter droppers.
they raised 100,000 in just one week !

Synchronicity licked in the next day, and as I was browsing a local paper while waiting for my toast, it was reported that these guys had been patrolling Tesco car park and issued fines there also. A customer complained and the manager came out and told them to leave, they refused so Tesco security arrested them and the Police were called.

Liverpool council said they were disappointed with Tesco, but as Tesco said, we take care of our own property and they did not want these thugs scaring away their customers.

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liv ... l-12713236


The guy who tried to do me also said that our drain where we throw our ciggies would lead to the main drains, and I said No it does not, because its blocked up and no longer works.

I may have forgotten to mention that the drain is actually blocked with hundreds of ciggie butts... :cg


I have a lot of respect for Liverpool council, as generally they have common sense.
Firstly the told David Cameron to stick his "Big Society" plan when they found out how much it was going to cost, then they removed all the bus lanes, because they said they were causing traffic congestion and it was not fair to to other road users to give exclusive access to parts of a public highway to private companies.... :up

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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by newcastle » Sun Mar 26, 2017 8:01 am

I can be pretty cantankerous on occasion....but tend to button my lip with the police or at airports.

Some of them have no sense of humour :lol:

I'm reminded of the epitaph of William Jay :



Here lies the body of William Jay
Who died maintaining his right of way;
He was right, dead right, as he sped along,
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong.

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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by Zooropa » Sun Mar 26, 2017 9:04 am

I admire anyone with principles Mr Landon and i like to think i am principled myself.

Its even more admirable that you are prepared to always stand up for your rights in all circumstances.

I am sure it would be a great comfort to you as you stand there, arms tied behind your back as you glance out of the window to observe the plane you should have been on ascend into to the sky.

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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by carrie » Sun Mar 26, 2017 10:37 am

Those two men look very intimidating, don't think I would have had the courage to stand up to them. Well done JL.

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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by Dusak » Sun Mar 26, 2017 11:23 am

When in Liverpool, you adopt a scouse accent, then you are quite qualified, and entitled, to tell anyone to FO! :lol:
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by newcastle » Sun Mar 26, 2017 12:07 pm

Dusak wrote:When in Liverpool, you adopt a scouse accent, then you are quite qualified, and entitled, to tell anyone to FO! :lol:
Then the prisons must be full of scousers...or those who pretended to be ;)

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Re: Renewing your passport

Post by John Landon » Sun Mar 26, 2017 12:23 pm

Scousers are great fun.. Back in 1970's like Glasgow, I probably would have given both places a wide Berth in all honesty.
Both Cities have been awarded City of Culture. Glasgow underwent a major revamp during my time there, including cleaning all the sandstone tenement buildings.
We lived in the West end on the corner of Grey street and Parkgrove terrace, with Kelvingrove park right outside our front door, and the Art Galleries and museum just a few yards away.
Also the Queen Mother hospital where our first Son was born, was only half a mile away.

Thing is, I never have trouble with Police and the like, They dont bother me, I don't bother them....
and if I do break the law, keep quiet and tell no one..... 8)

Bravery has never really been my thing, I am not exactly built for physical conflict.
I am more like the fox, be observant, circumnavigate a potential problem, think before acting, and learn to detach your emotions from the moment..... :up

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