Saw my mate Charlie this morning. He's only got one arm, bless him.
I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said, "That's gonna be a bit awkward isn't it?"
"Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive b***ard.''
_______________________________________
Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation? "No, just here for a few days."
________________________________________
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's
funeral, a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,
"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."
________________________________________
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
________________________________________
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.
Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.
________________________________________
I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered that the local cafe serves breakfast until 11.30.
________________________________________
"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.
______________________________________
Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.
A few laughs
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Re: A few laughs
Sometimes it's hard to find things that make you laugh, these were sent to me from Holland.
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Re: A few laughs
I laugh every time I read your posts. [sorry, couldn't resist]
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Re: A few laughs
Now you've gone and spoiled itMajor Thom wrote:Sometimes it's hard to find things that make you laugh, these were sent to me from Holland.
I thought you'd suddenly developed a sense of humor.
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Re: A few laughs
But, is it more comforting to be sent a joke from Holland, than to be considered a joke in Holland? I think that this could open the flood gates to a lively debate against just sticking your finger in the dykes hole and hoping that nothing more leaks out.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.