I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large
chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and
said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, "I wish I had your fu--ing
I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said, "sorry
about the wait". I said, "Don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the
bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said, "Any Change?' I said
"Nope, you're still black".
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8
inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks, "What
is wrong"? The boy says, "Me ma is dead". Oh bejaysus the man says, "Do you
want me to call Father O'Riley for you"? The boy replies, "No tanks mister,
sex is the last ting on me mind at the moment".
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since most of the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with
her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself I'm
going to take that.
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees
a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, "Where am I"? The Irish farmer
looks back up and shouts back, "You're in that feckin basket".
I was winning a very difficult quiz night in my local pub until the last question
which I got wrong. The question was "Where do women have the curliest
hair"? The answer I should have given was Fiji.
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