My dad.

[Scottishtourist]

Not been contributing for a few days.
My dad is in hospital.At 88 years old,his kidneys are failing fast..and there is no plan B for him.

His consultant had a long talk with him on Thursday.Dad has made his wishes known..he is so tired of being ill and has agreed to a DNR (do not recussitate)order.We are all heartbroken.

It's just a matter of time now.Visited him tonight and only stayed for 10minutes..he just wanted to sleep..and "death-rattle"was obvious.

We have asked Roman Catholic priest(chaplain)to visit him tomorrow.He will administer last rites(extreme unction)to my dad,which will hopefully safeguard his entry into Heaven.It is last sacrament Catholic Church will bestow on an adherent of the faith.

It will bring dad and all of us great comfort.We have all said our own "goodbyes"to him and he will shortly be in God's hands.He is not a stupid man...he's old,tired,done, and fully aware of what is happening to him.

So..do you agree with our point of view?
What would you do if your death is imminent?
Would you want salvation?
Do you merely think that death is the ultimate finale?And as such there is no redemption?

Just wanted to share this with you all.We WILL get over this..but at the moment it's very difficult for me.

[LovelyLadyLux]

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family at this very difficult time.

Do what is in the best interest of your dad, yourself and your family. Do what brings comfort and closure. Whatever is the most comforting, familiar and pain free (for your dad) is the best path to take as your Dad enters this leg of his journey and as you and your family start another path of your life journeys.

Visit, verbalize, express feelings and hold nothing back so remorse and regret do not come into the equation. Emotional pain is difficult. Do not be afraid to reach out for support.

The gift of presence is valuable.

Anytime you want to talk ST the PMs are always there.

[Major Thom]

My family had the same to go through with my mother, its hard to go through. All the treatment was not working, injected saline was not circulating, nothing was working. We made an appointment with the consultant, and he told us some home truths. After listening I made the decision, if anything was to happen, we did not want any form of resuscitation carried out and that palatable care until she passed to make her pain free and comfortable was the only real solution. She passed 4 days later, very peacefully and pain free, at the age of 95. she would not have wanted to have been a burden on anyone.
She lived a full life bought up 3 children, and enjoyed everything. It was her time, she knew it and so did the family did also. We were grateful to the Doctors and nurses for being so frank with us and some of them attended mothers funeral.

[Robbo70]

My dad asked me to try and get the same treatment I would get for my dogs, ie euthanasia. Myself and the doctors skirted round the issue without actually using the phrase assisted dying, but we agreed to withdrawal of his heart meds and a massive increase of his pain meds. He left us 12 hours later

[BENNU]

My father had suffered unimaginable pain for a very long time. Before there was such a thing as CT scanners in our country, my father went through brain surgery twice.

One morning, the hospital called and informed us that it would be inhumane not to increase the dose of morfin, which he would not survive. The family and the patient had had time to get used to the idea that my father was terminal and we were there to say good bye.

Until I saw the pain leave my father's peaceful face, it was as if I had forgotten - that the pain ceases when you die.

[Major Thom]

To be honest I think the UK does use Euthanasia, normally when it gone past the point of no return the driver pack is administrated, filled with Morphine, when the dose reaches its maximum the overdose situation is reached and the person passes peacefully. To me that is a great way to pass, no pain and no knowledge. Even though the Doctors say that the patient does not loose all their senses and hearing can still be active. I just hope my mother did not hear the things we were saying before she passed, she would have been in hysterics with laughter.

[Scottishtourist]

I'd like to thank everyone for their comments.
We are facing a hard truth here..the elephant is in the room with us!

I honestly have no idea why dad is holding on.
All his records seem to suggest is that he really should not be here!

But..he was always stubborn and a crabbit auld bugger!
Yesterday,me and sis met the Catholic chaplian at hospital.He has given him final sacrament of "extreme unction"and has heard his last confession.Whilst I know that some disagree with Catholic faith..in my heart,this has brought us untold comfort..and dad is now fortified for his final journey.

I'd especially like to thank LLL and Miss Scarlett for their posts and PM's.
That meant a lot to me.

Still we wait for the phone call from the hospital.Every time the fone rings,my heart stops for a second.

But,thank you all for your support.
I'll PM LLL and Miss Scarlett when I'm in better frame of mind.x

[LovelyLadyLux]

My Scottish Grannie at 96 was extremely frail, everything failing yet hung on beyond all belief. She had a remarkable life, worked hard, extremely strong willed stubborn woman who accomplished a phenomenal amount given the times and circumstances of her life.

Not that she was Catholic but the only hospital in the area was very small, established and run by Nuns. Family was going daily and spending hours helping with Grannie's care. We all knew it was only a matter of time yet she hung on.

I was there the day one of the Sisters came and sat with her. I can still hear the words. Putting it briefly the Sister sat with my Grannie and gave her permission to go. She said it was OK for her to leave us. She assured her we'd all be ok and would carry on and it was now her time and it was OK for her to go. Grannie 'died' about 2 hours later.

[Scottishtourist]

To be honest I think the UK does use Euthanasia, normally when it gone past the point of no return the driver pack is administrated, filled with Morphine, when the dose reaches its maximum the overdose situation is reached and the person passes peacefully. To me that is a great way to pass, no pain and no knowledge. Even though the Doctors say that the patient does not loose all their senses and hearing can still be active. I just hope my mother did not hear the things we were saying before she passed, she would have been in hysterics with laughter.

Euthanasia is still illegal in UK MT.
If an elderly patient has gone beyond the point of "no return"then no consultant,nurse,etc would merely take the decision to administer a dose of morphine and send them on their way.
Officially..that is not standard procedure.

What we will do though is try to get the patient to do a little more for themselves.
At the moment dad has been put under care of physiotherapist and is being encouraged to make use of his legs and get mobile again.
It ain't gonna happen.He's now bedridden.But..not to do so would probably have very detrimental effect on his consultant and care provider.Do you understand where I'm coming from here?Law-suits,malpractice,etc?

But it's "legal"way.
Also,a DNR (do not recussitate)order does not mean that all medication will be withdrawn.It merely means that if his heart stops beating..there will be no attempt to use de-fibs,etc.

And if a patient is still "compis mentis"enough to wish this..then no relative,i.e wife,daughter,son,etc,can over-rule these wishes.

[Scottishtourist]

My dad passed away yesterday morning.
We were called by the hospital and arrived there with five minutes to spare,so we had the priviledge of being with dad as he took his last breaths.
Although we are all heartbroken,we take comfort in knowing that his death was painfree and peaceful and are fortified by our happy memories of him.
He showed no fear and was calm,clean shaven,warm and dignified as he prepared for his last journey.
We cannot thank all those involved in his care enough..they have been wonderful.

He is now safe and at peace in the arms of Jesus.

Requiescant in Pace.xx

[Horus]

My condolences to you and your family.

[A-Four]

My thoughts are with you ST, but please be comforted by the fact that he has had a long and sure, happy life, and you was able to be with him to the end.

[HEPZIBAH]

No matter the age or how well we think we are prepared, it is not easy when we have to say that final goodbye to a parent. As you prepare for final resting place, knowing that he is not reay there, take comfort in your knowledge of this and in the happy memories you have of your times together.
I hope his wife is coping ok and again , in her grief, can lean on tbe memories of happier times.

[Miss scarlett]

Been thinking about you ST, and knowing you were going through something similar to myself just a few months ago. He was much loved by all your family and well cared for. You were fortunate indeed to be with him at the end. Xx

[Mad Dilys]

I'm glad your faith is of a comfort to you and your family. May your father rest in peace.

[carrie]

So nice that you could be with him at the end ST and it is a comfort that you have been able to see him and speak words you have probably not said before to him.
For me when my Mum died it was, looking back the easy time, you have so much to do organizing funerals, letting people know that often you are too busy to think and let things sink in properly.
Everything hit me hard after the funeral.
My deepest condolences to you and all your family.

[LovelyLadyLux]

Deepest sympathy and condolences ST. Very good you were able to be with your dad at the time of his parting.

[Ruby Slippers]

So sorry to hear this news, ST.

[Scottishtourist]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support.
We are pretty "raw"at the moment..but are keeping busy organising the funeral.My Lithuanian step-mum and family are more than happy to leave all the arrangements to dad's family, cos they have honestly admitted that they wouldn't have a clue where to begin.
However,we are giving dad's wife her place and making it known to her that everything will only be done with her approval.

I honestly never appreciated that there was so much choice nowadays!
The "Co-op"is a one stop funeral service!
We have a choice of caskets/coffins,flowers,newspaper notices,limousines,orders of service,etc.

There is so much to consider.
However,we are all decided on one thing.The photos for the order of service!
We require two..and our favourite is a photograph of dad when he was in Berlin with the army of occupation after the second world war.He must've been around 21/22 years old.
He is in full stride,full uniform and wearing army helmet.He is young,fit,healthy and muscly..and a very handsome man!
This will be shown on back page of the order of service.

There are not too many left who will remember dad looking like this..but we just want to show people who knew him that once upon a time he too was full of life and enjoying it..and was not always the sick,elderly old man that they saw in later years.
We are so proud of him,so grateful to him..and I can't wait for my kids to see this photo of their papa!

[Major Thom]

Sorry to hear the news ST, I am sure he will be in a better place now. RIP.