BOB AND LIZZYS GRAND DAY OUT IN LUXOR.

[Dusak]

''Eh, its nice to rest the feet at last isn't it Bob? Hello Mamid, you tallman? What’s that Bob? Oh sorry Mamid, taman. Eh, it all

sounds the same these foreign words. I'll have one of those crackerdees and Bob will have a fresh orange. You only have carton?

That’s OK for Bob as he doesn’t really like the bits, they get under his teeth. Hello luvey, you here on holiday as well? Its our first

day. We've been all 'ower place. We thought we would have a stroll along the water. Young lad offered us a boat trip, well Bob

used to be in the Merchant Navy so I said yes as a treat. It were nice, but no wind so he had to push us along with his pole. Nice

lad, told us all about the fish and a bit of history. He was telling us that Egyptian bananas were the biggest in the world. We didn't

know that. I get mine from Tesco and they’re big enough. Must be whoppers from here. What you think of the hotel then? Our Billy

chose this one, St. Jo's, as its a Christian one. He said we may not like Muslim hotels food so better play it safe like. He's clever

like that is our Billy. He's a cleaner at our local school. Bet he never thought he'd be still at school at fifty. I'm telling the lady

about our Billy still being at school. Poor loves nodded off. Where's them drinks? Anyway, as I was saying. we got off the and

another young lad seemed all upset like, cos we hadn't used his boat. So anyway we got on his as his had an engine on. He said

we could go and say hello to his mother before she died as she was very sick. So we pulled onto the bank and the young lad called

over some of his friends to pull us up the side. Poor Bob slid back down three times before they got him to the top. Just telling

the lass about your slide down bank. Bob. No, he's away with the fairies. Hey Mamid, cooly tamin? Wheres drinks? Oh he says yes

he knows. Nice lad, says he wants to marry me, me at my age. Chance would be a fine thing. Anyways, when we gets to the lads

house Bob says that the mother looks like the woman we passed on the other boat that was brushing the front down. Silly old

bugger I said. How can someone on deaths door be brushing the garden? Never takes a blind bit 'o notice. He's eighty two next

month, bless 'im. Two years older than me. Anyway, as I was saying, the poor lass looked really ill and it costs so much for the

treatment she were saying, so we give her a bit of money but she looked a bit embarrassed when she it wasn't enough, poor lass,

so Bob gave her another fiver. Then lad asked for a bit so he could top up his phone in case of any emergencies for his mother

, she seemed happy with that. Then we had two cups of tea each. They call tea she here you know. Hope I don't forget mesell at

home and ask for a cup o' she in me local cafe. They do a nice full breakfast there for under two quid. Bob likes his black

puddin'. Can you get a full breakfast here do you think? After this mornings palaver. Anyway after the she's we left and when Bob

had climbed out the water after he slipped down banking, we crossed over and had a walk. Good job sun were out cos he dried out

nice like, bit crinkly. That's when ichin' started. Don't know if it were water, you know, sumut in it like. Well, we gets a bit lost,

it's not like at home, you know were you are. But our Billy had lent us his phone that could show you where you were. So I was

fiddling about with it trying to get it working like when this young lad came over and asked could he help. Well, I don't know why

they call them clever phones as I couldn't get the flippin' thing to work. Anyhow, as quick as you could shake his lost dogs tail, he

got it working. Bob and mesell were a flashing little arrow on screen. Its cleaver that, a phone knowing were you are, suppose

that’s why its called a clever phone when you think on it. Its what lass, a smart phone? Oh. Still, you can be a bit smart for your

own pants at times. Anyway this young lad looked upset and told us that yesterday he lost his puppy and if he had a phone like

that he could find him. Well, we couldn’t do nothing else but let him borrow it to find his dog. But he said that he would bring it

back at our hotel before eight as our Billy is phoning us. It were our Billy that paid for the holiday. We usually go to Blackpool on

Bobs bike and side car as its only half an hour away, but you have to make sure its not raining as the side-car fills up with water.

Anyways, as I was saying. Our Billy's new lass works for an agency in the town so he said that he got us a good deal for us in

Egypt. Had to look in our Billy's old school atlas to see were it were. Anyway, he said that the winters sun wasn't to hot, so we

should enjoy it. Never forget the look off 'appyness on our Billy's face as taxi took us airport. Tears were streaming down his

chops. I just hope that new lass of his can make more than a sarnie for lad. Not like in my day, men got fed proper. Said it were

same as a summer in Blackpool. Well, I brought all our woolies, him sayin' it were winter. And poor Bob's long john's are giving him

no peace. So the taxi driver said we should buy some....Mamid, what them dresses called you wear? I know petal that you don't

wear a dress. The ones the chariot men 'av on outside 'otel. what? I, that’s 'em gallibaya. Bob says he’s not wanting one. I think

he's frightened of the wind catching it. But I think he's being daft as he's having a problem, you know, down there. Whats that you

say lass, they call 'em caleche. You know your stuff then. As me dad used to tell me to much knowledge can burst you brain if

your not to careful. Now what were I saying...Oh I, Bobs rash an' all. All covered in red spots with prickly 'eat. We met our Billy’s

new lass night before we left. Seems nice for a first girlfriend. Still wears them hot pants though. Anyway when he came he was

carrying a long pole and his toolbox up to his bedroom. Bob said perhaps she was in fire brigade and needed to practice. Anyway,

mystery was solved as a box she left downstairs had a big snake inside so she must be a vet. So don't know what the pole was

for. Its an old house so perhaps he needs to prop the cieling up. Bob, wake yourself up, Manids here with drinks. Your flys open as

well for second time today. No put your teeth in your pocket not on table, lass doesn’t want to look at them grinning at her.

What’s that lass? Did you hear what the lass said Bob? Says you look like a Dolphin with no teeth in. You know, I never thought of

that in all the years he's took his teeth out. They do look like they smile all the time Dolphins do. Must be his big nose. Grand kids

call him Wallace, you know after cartoon man on telly with his dog. Always eating cheese. When Bobs top teeth slip down when

he's nodded off, just looks like Wallace. Only man I know that grins when he's asleep. The trouble we have with Bobs teeth.

Remember once we were going to our Vera's in Scunthorpe on train. We got off and were halfway down station platform when Bob

said that he had left his top set on train, so we got back on and the train started to go. Bob wanted to pull the chain thingy to

make it stop but I said better not as the other folks on train might get a bit angry if they’re late for work an all. Well, it took three

more stops before the silly bugger found them in his cardy pocket. Two hours we had to wait as I had to get back for our Billy's

tea. He's got a good appetite has our Billy. Doesn't like the school dinners though its all this healthy eating. No good for kids,

never mind a man. They need building up at that are. Talking about dinners. Last night taxi driver took us to a restaurant in Karnak.

We go's in and they had the biggest dog I've ever seen. Bob wanted to ride on it. He's always joking when we're on holiday.

Anyway, it was friendly enough and the foreign lady shooed it away. The lass told us they also had a camel, ostrich, ducks and

pigeons. Well, it may be all right for some, but not Bob. Wouldn't want anything like that on his plate. Whats that, they're in a

little zoo at the back, not meant for eating. Glad we met up with you lass, seem to know everything about everything, doesn’t she

Bob? Clever is that clever was as me mam used to say. Anyway they had a swimming pool as well, but you probably know that

then, so Bob soaked his feet until food were ready. We ordered steak and chips as a treat as lass said it were soft enough for

teeth to chew it. When it came out it had a tomato cut in half with a little candle burning inside each one. Smelt a bit, but it were

different I suppose, but having said that not something I would do. Anyway we blows the candles out then the power goes off.

We hears some chap shout, well I think it was a chap, but lass in there had a deep voice, don't worry, we have a generator.

Anyways, when power comes back on, plates were empty except for the tomato candles. Young lass came over and took the

plates away saying that we must of been hungry to eat it so fast. We didn't like to say anything as they might of thought we

were trouble makers. Have you met the cheeky little bugger that serves the breakfast? Came down this morning early as we were

both hungry after last nights rigmarole. So Bob asked the lad for baked beans as he like 'em on his toast. The lad lifted up one of

lids and called him a fool. How was Bob supposed to know it were in there with lid on? So anyway, Bob ignored him as he doesn’t

like to make a fuss so asked for two eggs instead. Young lad said two bird. Well Bob likes chicken, but not first thing in the morni',

never mind two of the blummin' things. So he settled for some toast. Terrible it were. As soon as he started to butter it he ended

up with summut that looked like a jigsaw. Just exploded all ower plate it were that 'ard. We're going for fish and chips tonight, a

place the taxi driver mentioned so we asked one of the horse men outside if he knew were it were. Said he did, but it were a long

way off so he would take us. Who'd of thought that an Indian would serve fish and chips. What you think of the bathrooms? Posh

'arnt they. Bob doesn’t like the loo's as water shoots up when he's sat on it and its uncomfortable, specially on his red bits. Says

the waters to hot as well. Not only that it wets his pants as it comes down off ceiling. Nearly eight, wonder when lads coming with

phone? Have you sniffed the money they use over 'ere? Needs a dam good wash if you ask me. I told Bob to use that posh shower

gel they give you to clean smell out me purse while I had a nap, but he must of miss heard me as he washed all money as well.

Still, should be dry for tomorrow as I've pegged it out on the balcony. And flys, we never have flys this time o' year in Blackpool.

Soon as you take your purse out they're all buzzing around your 'ed. Still, it was a grand day out. We thought tomorrow we’d go

and 'av a look at avenue of the sphincters. What's that lass...

[Bullet Magnet]

I thought De Ja Vue when I read this...
Has Dusak gone insane and duplicated his own work...

This must be the missing post from Sunday that was there, then was not, but is back now,,, I assume.....