We are holding a mobile phone staring competition in Gorf at 12pm on 31st December 2016. All are welcome, but if you are doing something else we will understand. All MZ's welcome.

Mrs Brown you've got a lovely walker - Hermans Hermits
Get by with a little help from my dependents - Ringo Starr
How do you mend a broken hip - Bee Gees
First time ever I forgot your face - Roberta...

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!

Passenger: Who?

Cabbie: Brian Sullivan. He's a...

To the IDIOT who tried to rob me last night, you dropped your phone while fleeing and you were still connected to Facebook!

I have not called the police yet , I'd rather talk to you directly!...

Oh...the sweet irony :lol:

Here's another pre Brexit one that sums up many peoples sentiments ;)
Again it is rather crude, so be warned :up

A little post Brexit message for our Scottish friends from Fascinating Aida :lol:
WARNING , Does contains some rude and crude words ;)

Now Rosie has been in California for quite a bit, married a rock star, had a few kids and has returned to Islington.
This is me getting her started on that perilous stepladder of life.
Monday Morning...

Is there no end to the selfish actions of this man?

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.

Pattie looks at the...

I was out for a stroll the other day and came across this in the woods:

On closer inspection

I have heard of Fairies at the bottom of the garden, but have they moved into the woodlands now? ;)

If a dentist makes money out of people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend? :roll:

This has to be the most hilarious mix up of all time :))) :)))

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance...

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words....

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON...

I always find these fascinating

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he...

just been here a few weeks and already been on TV. An Eastern Brown escaped from the venum zoo at Kuranda and decided to wonder across the street chased by a worker from the zoo. Me and the other...

P J O’Rourke is widely regarded as the US’s greatest living political satirist. Living might be a stretch because after more than 50 years of drug and alcohol abuse he is not what he was which might...